Open Doors

Missouri wasn't necessarily at the top of my list of places that I wanted to move to once I left Illinois, but the door opened and I walked through it. I didn't exactly run through the door, nor did I jump up and down. Rather I got down on my knees and begged the Lord to prepare my heart for what He had for me next. To give me a willing heart. And to be able to lay my fears and doubts before Him. In the process of that I can't say that there weren't moments where I was frustrated because there were. But God took those hurts, those not so pretty moments and sculpted something so beautiful. It is because of God's grace, provision, and peace that I get to share what I get to do after this school year.

In mid-August, I will be moving to Independence, MO (about an hour from Kansas City) to work as a mentor/big sister at a Christian boarding school for troubled teenagers. http://shelterwood.org/mentor-program/ I will be working with about 20 other mentors, and will have direct care over a handful of residents, while also overseeing the other residents at the school. I will live at the school, I will take part in therapy sessions and other activities with the students. I will help create a healthy and safe environment for them where they can achieve their goals and work toward returning home. There is so much more to this role, that I am excited to learn about. I know that what I'm walking into will not be easy, yet I believe that the Lord is already preparing me and that He goes before me and with me to equip me for this ministry. 

Not only am I excited about this next step in my journey, but I have this final semester as an RD to keep investing in the women here. To love deeply and to be a part of the Olivet community. I am so thankful for that. I know that God has used this as a training ground and as a spring board for my future. I will forever be grateful for the people and experiences here that have shaped who I am and that have pointed me nearer to the Lord. 

I'm thankful that the Lord is a healer. I'm thankful that He brings light to darkness. For the hard seasons and the good ones. I'm thankful that God has plans for my life that I can't see, that He knows my heart and my desires and that He is the one in control. I'm thankful that friendships aren't bound by a place and that He has placed people in my life who will forever be in my life no matter where our physical location may be. 

I am choosing to trust- day by day, moment by moment in my God who loves and cares about me so deeply. 

The impact of stories

My heart is so heavy for the kids that I have the opportunity to work with on a daily basis. I continue to learn more of their stories each day I'm with them. They are so broken. They come from broken homes. They have low self-esteem. They are told they won't go anywhere, that they won't ever be smart. I often get frustrated that they aren't working or that they are saying certain things, and then I take a step back. When I start to learn their stories it makes so much more sense. They don't want to do their work because their parents have told them they will never be smart. They are disrespectful to me because whatever it is that happens at home, they think everyone is out to get them. They mess up in the first hour of school and so they think that the rest of their day is going to be bad, they don't understand second chances. This is what I deal with every day and every day my patience is tested, and yet my heart is broken. These children are all precious, yet most of them are being told the complete opposite of that. I wrestle with feeling like I can't do anything to change these kids circumstances, but am learning that my job is just to teach and love them as best I can for the 30 minutes a day they are with me. I might not be able to rescue them from their homes, but I can offer them patience, grace, consistency, encouragement, and optimism for the short time I am with them. As hard as this is some days I am so thankful that God chose me, also a broken human, to be a part of these lives.  

It makes me sad to think that after this school year I will be leaving that building and the kids that I have gotten to know over the year, but their faces and stories have impacted me and will forever be ones that I remember. It just reminds me of how we are each loved by our Heavenly Father, me included, which is not something I have always been able to believe. 

Trust

"Strive to trust Me in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment- accepting things exactly as they are- and search for my way in the midst of those circumstances. Trust is like a staff you can lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear much of your weight as needed. Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind." (Jesus Calling)

Trust, a concept I continue to learn day after day. When trust is broken it takes an even bigger step to then trust again. This isn't necessarily fair to those around me and this causes me to hold back from trusting Jesus all the way. Yet, that is the beautiful thing about trusting Jesus is that HE ALWAYS IS TRUSTWORTHY, grasping that is a process that requires daily letting go and allowing Him to be my trust.

How would our trust change if we asked this question daily- "What helped you trust God today? What got in the way?" I reflected on these questions today and was reminded that we can find moments in each day that help us to trust Him. It is a choice to be able to see that, but when we focus on that we gain a different perspective.

Looking to the new year is both exciting and scary. Change has never been something that I am particularly good at or love, but is something that I am learning to embrace. It's one of those things that requires a whole lot of trust. So that is what I am anticipating this year to be, a year of continued growth, trust, and change. I am grateful to continue on this journey with the support of my family and dear friends, who continue to encourage me and challenge me to use my gifts for God's kingdom.

Matthew 6:25-34
Proverbs 3:5-6
Psalm 37:1-7