Thinking about all that has happened in 4 years makes my head hurt. Today when I was thinking about all the changes and challenges I have been through in my time at Olivet I became so thankful for where I am at today despite all of those circumstances. I love my school now more then I ever have in the time I've been there. I'm thankful I go to a school where I look forward to going back. A place where God continually puts people in my path to show me His love. I can't imagine having spent the last four years at any other school. And I am so thankful that from one decision and a leap of faith that God has blessed me so much.
I think back to my life before college. I hated school, it was a challenge to get me to go everyday. I would do whatever I possibly could to get out of there as fast as I could. During this time my life was focused around sports. That's the only way my parents could convince me to stay in school. I went to school everyday only because I had to. I put on a smile and faked it. At this point in my life I wondered if I would ever fall in love with a place and if I would ever find something I truly loved doing. I'm glad that I no longer feel this way today. There have been a few things I have discovered I really love doing and there have also been several places I have really fallen in love with.
It's hard for me to sit down and think about all the people who have been a part of my life these last 4 years. It's difficult to look back at years and think about the relationships I had and to realize the changes that some of those have been through. Through each person that has been a part of my life God has taught me something and for that I am grateful. There are seasons in life and I am not necessarily a fan of the change these seasons bring, but I am a fan of the work God does in my life in the midst of them.
I'm thankful for the season of life I am in today and for the people who are walking with me in this season. Some of them I have known for only a short while, others I have known since before school started. Each have a special place in my heart. I'm thankful for the encouragement they bring me. I'm thankful for who I am in Christ and for His power in my life. I'm thankful for His grace that he so freely gives so that my bitter heart can be softened and made new. I'm thankful that despite changes and despite hurt that God is our healer. I'm thankful for a God of perfect love, who loves when I can't. I'm thankful for a God who walks with each of us and that he walks with those who I can't walk with. I'm thankful that despite the seasons of life God remains in each of us. I'm thankful that despite those who may not be in my life anymore that God can still be near to both of us.
God uses us even when we are weak. I'm thankful that despite my brokenness and despite my inadequacies that God uses me. I'm thankful that He allows me to lead even when I don't have it all together. I'm thankful that God accepts me as an imperfect person. I'm thankful that God has taken me to new places and has allowed me to try so many new things. He has given me so many passions through those experiences. I'm glad that despite what others may think and despite what the "norm" may be that God has a specially designed map for me. Sometimes it's hard to be grateful that the map is a little blurry. But, it's good. I'm glad that I can't quite see the map. I'm thankful that little by little God brings clarity to the map and step by step he leads me to the next place, the next person, the next thing that He wants me to be a part of. And I'm thankful that the part of the map that I have already been to (the past) has all been a part of my map to teach me something. That each person has been a part of my life for a reason. I'm thankful that the Lord knows what He is doing and that He always brings us out of dark places so that we can see His light.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
It's About Time!
I can’t believe it’s December and I am just getting around to this. Guess that just means there will be a lot more to share. This semester has had both challenges along with incredible memories.
Being an RA has been the best part of my senior year. I love every moment of it and I am blessed with an incredible building of girls. I’ve loved the opportunity I’ve had to get to know each of them and to hear their stories. It’s been so encouraging to sit down and talk to one of them and realize that we are experiencing similar situations. Every day the Lord finds a way to put a smile on my face and most of those days that happens either in my building or when I see my girls on campus. They are so full of joy and that just spills out to those around them. I am so thankful for the friendships I have been able to build and for the opportunity God has given me to be a part of their lives. They have blessed me in more ways then I could ever begin to explain.
I’ve had so much fun planning building parties for my girls and thought it might be fun to share a few. We started off the year with a raw cookie dough party (no eggs) and I had a bunch of mix ins so they just ate it by the spoonful. Kind of like ice cream sundaes! The next month we had a photo booth, where we set up fall décor and gathered props. I also had a bonfire and campout party, only a few of us ended up camping outside! Those are just a few, but I love planning events and it has been a huge factor when it comes to building community in my building.
Toward the beginning of the year, before life got extremely busy I took a tubing trip down the Kankakee river with Melinda. One thing about Melinda is that she is so full of adventure and never afraid to try something, get dirty, or embarrass herself. It’s a great way to live life. I’ve been grateful the past four years to have her as a friend. She often challenges and encourages me to do things that I wouldn’t normally do- Adds some adventure to my life! Melinda is graduating a semester early so she won't be on campus next semester. I'm not sure I will ever be ready for that, it's going to be a lot different without her. I am so thankful for the blessing she has been in my life.
While it was still nice outside me and a couple of friends spent the day at the state park enjoying the river and the beautiful scenery while we sat and caught up on our summers and just enjoyed hanging out. This was one of my favorite days of our fall semester. It is so rare that we have time for that, but definitely worth making time for.
This semester included a few road trips, YOLO, it’s senior year! In October I went to Joplin for a long weekend, got to catch up with friends there and talk about the possibilities of the next season of life. The other road trip was with my roomies. We drove down to Memphis to watch my sister in The Nutcracker. While it was a short trip, it was a blast! I hadn’t seen my sister since the 4 days in August we were both home, so it was nice to see her.
12-12-12 marked a historical day on our campus. Our HUGE new Rec Center opened! They cut the ribbon and opened the doors of it at 12:12 AM on December 12! Since it opened I have spent multiple hours in it each day! I’ve already played basketball, worked out in the fitness center, ran the track, swam laps, enjoyed the lazy river, sat in the hot tub, played 4 person air hockey. This building opens up so many more opportunities on campus and will really change life on our campus. My goal before graduation is to try out the rock wall! We’ll see how that goes. I could seriously live in that building.
I'm going to Cuba! Earlier this fall I decided that I wanted to go on another MIA trip over spring break. I am going with the team to Cuba- March 2-10. The focus of this trip is relational ministry, we will do a few service projects but our main focus is sharing Jesus with the people there. We had our first team meeting last week and I am just excited to see how the Lord is going to use our group to share the gospel with the Cuban people.
One of the things I have been learning this year is how to balance life. Relationships are so important to me and there have been times throughout the semester when I have lost focus on my other responsibilities because I care so much about people. I have been learning what true compassion looks like and have been challenged throughout this semester to be more like Jesus when it comes to showing compassion to others. This isn’t easy by any means and I have not yet figured it out, but am working on it. I’ve also learned that trying to plan things out or orchestrate situations doesn’t work. I’ve definitely learned that the hard way and am still trying to figure out how to completely depend on the Lord to work in my life as I continue to seek after him. This semester has been a roller coaster of ups and downs, but through it the Lord remains faithful. Yesterday in church we were singing the song "One Thing Remains" and that just speaks so much truth.
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
One thing remains
Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me
On and one and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains
In death and in life I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love
My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love
What’s next? Well, one semester of school is all I know for right now. After that I have no idea. I have places where I think I want to be, but it changes day to day. A lot of prayer is what is next. As a senior everyone wants to know what your plans are and so it’s a constant battle to remain content with not knowing for now. And no, I won’t be getting married straight out of college that seems to be the burning question at our school. I have no plans as of right now and am free to go wherever the Lord takes me. This is both a blessing and a challenge. God is good and God is in control.
Being an RA has been the best part of my senior year. I love every moment of it and I am blessed with an incredible building of girls. I’ve loved the opportunity I’ve had to get to know each of them and to hear their stories. It’s been so encouraging to sit down and talk to one of them and realize that we are experiencing similar situations. Every day the Lord finds a way to put a smile on my face and most of those days that happens either in my building or when I see my girls on campus. They are so full of joy and that just spills out to those around them. I am so thankful for the friendships I have been able to build and for the opportunity God has given me to be a part of their lives. They have blessed me in more ways then I could ever begin to explain.
I’ve had so much fun planning building parties for my girls and thought it might be fun to share a few. We started off the year with a raw cookie dough party (no eggs) and I had a bunch of mix ins so they just ate it by the spoonful. Kind of like ice cream sundaes! The next month we had a photo booth, where we set up fall décor and gathered props. I also had a bonfire and campout party, only a few of us ended up camping outside! Those are just a few, but I love planning events and it has been a huge factor when it comes to building community in my building.
Toward the beginning of the year, before life got extremely busy I took a tubing trip down the Kankakee river with Melinda. One thing about Melinda is that she is so full of adventure and never afraid to try something, get dirty, or embarrass herself. It’s a great way to live life. I’ve been grateful the past four years to have her as a friend. She often challenges and encourages me to do things that I wouldn’t normally do- Adds some adventure to my life! Melinda is graduating a semester early so she won't be on campus next semester. I'm not sure I will ever be ready for that, it's going to be a lot different without her. I am so thankful for the blessing she has been in my life.
While it was still nice outside me and a couple of friends spent the day at the state park enjoying the river and the beautiful scenery while we sat and caught up on our summers and just enjoyed hanging out. This was one of my favorite days of our fall semester. It is so rare that we have time for that, but definitely worth making time for.
This semester included a few road trips, YOLO, it’s senior year! In October I went to Joplin for a long weekend, got to catch up with friends there and talk about the possibilities of the next season of life. The other road trip was with my roomies. We drove down to Memphis to watch my sister in The Nutcracker. While it was a short trip, it was a blast! I hadn’t seen my sister since the 4 days in August we were both home, so it was nice to see her.
12-12-12 marked a historical day on our campus. Our HUGE new Rec Center opened! They cut the ribbon and opened the doors of it at 12:12 AM on December 12! Since it opened I have spent multiple hours in it each day! I’ve already played basketball, worked out in the fitness center, ran the track, swam laps, enjoyed the lazy river, sat in the hot tub, played 4 person air hockey. This building opens up so many more opportunities on campus and will really change life on our campus. My goal before graduation is to try out the rock wall! We’ll see how that goes. I could seriously live in that building.
I'm going to Cuba! Earlier this fall I decided that I wanted to go on another MIA trip over spring break. I am going with the team to Cuba- March 2-10. The focus of this trip is relational ministry, we will do a few service projects but our main focus is sharing Jesus with the people there. We had our first team meeting last week and I am just excited to see how the Lord is going to use our group to share the gospel with the Cuban people.
One of the things I have been learning this year is how to balance life. Relationships are so important to me and there have been times throughout the semester when I have lost focus on my other responsibilities because I care so much about people. I have been learning what true compassion looks like and have been challenged throughout this semester to be more like Jesus when it comes to showing compassion to others. This isn’t easy by any means and I have not yet figured it out, but am working on it. I’ve also learned that trying to plan things out or orchestrate situations doesn’t work. I’ve definitely learned that the hard way and am still trying to figure out how to completely depend on the Lord to work in my life as I continue to seek after him. This semester has been a roller coaster of ups and downs, but through it the Lord remains faithful. Yesterday in church we were singing the song "One Thing Remains" and that just speaks so much truth.
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
One thing remains
Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me
On and one and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains
In death and in life I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love
My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love
What’s next? Well, one semester of school is all I know for right now. After that I have no idea. I have places where I think I want to be, but it changes day to day. A lot of prayer is what is next. As a senior everyone wants to know what your plans are and so it’s a constant battle to remain content with not knowing for now. And no, I won’t be getting married straight out of college that seems to be the burning question at our school. I have no plans as of right now and am free to go wherever the Lord takes me. This is both a blessing and a challenge. God is good and God is in control.
Friday, August 17, 2012
All in a Weeks Time.
Champaign feels less like home every time I come back. There are so many other places I love that I can't imagine ever being here for longer than a week. It's strange how a place where once was your only home now feels so foreign. I know more people who live in Joplin, in Michigan, or in California then the number of people I see when I'm "home".
Tomorrow I leave for my senior year of college. Time flies. It's hard to believe that this is the last time I'll move in to a college apartment. I'm excited for this school year and for the new opportunities that will be a part of my year. This year I move in and I am responsible for decorating my building and being the one to welcome everyone back to campus. Crafting isn't really my forte but when I have time and a reason to do it I usually can be a little creative! That's what I've done this week with the endless hours at home. I can't wait until al of my stuff is organized and my building is decorated and ready for the girls to move in. It will be nice to feel like I'm somewhat organized and not living out of a suitcase for the first time in months. God can do big things in a year and I'm really looking forward to what He wants to do with this year.
It's hard to believe that it's already been a week- It's been one of the hardest weeks of the entire summer. Leaving a ministry that you absolutely love, people who have become your best friends, and a town that is dear to you is hard. It's amazing what God can do in your heart when you're too busy to realize it and to try and transition from that is not easy. But, it's been an awesome chance to really seek the Lord and to try and discern what He is doing in my life. While there is still a lot that I don't understand and a lot that I'd love to know, I will wait on His guidance.
Another thing I've learned while being home is that sometimes just listening and not saying anything at all is the best choice. There are certain things that we'll never agree on and so in my opinion it's best just to leave those areas alone. I don't like arguing, especially about things that you can't change. It just seems like a worthless thing to do, so sometimes I choose to not say anything. Another thing I've been thinking about is how important it is to try and stay positive about things. No one enjoys being around people who are negative all the time, it takes the joy out of everyone around. Plus, life's more fun when you're happy. Just my opinion. Some people will never agree with me.
Well, this was super random but a little recap of the things that have happened since I have been "home"for a week. Definitely too much thinking/processing time- something I am not used to having!
Tomorrow I leave for my senior year of college. Time flies. It's hard to believe that this is the last time I'll move in to a college apartment. I'm excited for this school year and for the new opportunities that will be a part of my year. This year I move in and I am responsible for decorating my building and being the one to welcome everyone back to campus. Crafting isn't really my forte but when I have time and a reason to do it I usually can be a little creative! That's what I've done this week with the endless hours at home. I can't wait until al of my stuff is organized and my building is decorated and ready for the girls to move in. It will be nice to feel like I'm somewhat organized and not living out of a suitcase for the first time in months. God can do big things in a year and I'm really looking forward to what He wants to do with this year.
It's hard to believe that it's already been a week- It's been one of the hardest weeks of the entire summer. Leaving a ministry that you absolutely love, people who have become your best friends, and a town that is dear to you is hard. It's amazing what God can do in your heart when you're too busy to realize it and to try and transition from that is not easy. But, it's been an awesome chance to really seek the Lord and to try and discern what He is doing in my life. While there is still a lot that I don't understand and a lot that I'd love to know, I will wait on His guidance.
Another thing I've learned while being home is that sometimes just listening and not saying anything at all is the best choice. There are certain things that we'll never agree on and so in my opinion it's best just to leave those areas alone. I don't like arguing, especially about things that you can't change. It just seems like a worthless thing to do, so sometimes I choose to not say anything. Another thing I've been thinking about is how important it is to try and stay positive about things. No one enjoys being around people who are negative all the time, it takes the joy out of everyone around. Plus, life's more fun when you're happy. Just my opinion. Some people will never agree with me.
Well, this was super random but a little recap of the things that have happened since I have been "home"for a week. Definitely too much thinking/processing time- something I am not used to having!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Is it Really Over?
I began this post a couple weeks ago, but I am just now getting around to posting it. As I look back on this summer I don't even know where to begin. It probably would take me an entire day to catch someone up on my summer. It's hard because most people have never been to MOVE and don't really understand what a week is like. Then it's even harder because no two weeks are the same so to try and explain that is complicated.
Let me start by saying there is definitely a unique bond between 5 people who travel together for 6 weeks. You eat every meal together, you spend free time together, and then to finish it off you drive cross country together! It's amazing how people you work with for 12 weeks can know almost all there is to know about the last 20 years of your life! Long car trips and hundreds of meals together definitely provides opportunity for a LOT of conversation. I've loved getting to know each person on my team and learn how each of their personalities are so different. We have had many serious conversations, several inside jokes, and many embarrassing moments together. Through many frustrating moments, joys, tears, and stressful situations this summer has been incredible! I wouldn't trade my summer for anyone else's. The things that I have learned and the experiences I have had are things that
have helped me grow in different areas of my life. One thing CIY is so good about is creating an atmosphere where not only is there professional growth but where there is also spiritual growth, personal development, and growth as a leader. The things I have learned over the past two summers are things that I could never learn at school, they are things that I will take with me into whatever job I have. The speakers, youth ministers and staff that I get to meet over the course of the summer are men and women who have such a heart for the Lord. I get to know some better than others. I love hearing their stories learning from them. I have no idea right now which of these people I'll have the opportunity to work with again, but that's the beauty of meeting new people! I have no idea where I'll be working a year from now, but God knows and if it's with any of these wonderful people I've met over the last two years then I'd be ok with that! Along with all of the wonderful memories of this summer there are definitely a few moments that added a small challenge to each week. God taught me so much about working with people. I learned a ton about myself through these moments and there were times this summer where God showed me that the only thing I could do was pray. I definitely have a lot to learn about wrestling in prayer.
Then there were things I learned that seem absolutely crazy. I just remember the one Saturday morning when I get a phone call saying that i'd be driving a box truck from LA to San Diego. Sometimes things don't go as planned, this was definitely one of those times! Good story though and now I am fully capable of driving
a small box truck the next time the occasion rises :)
This summer was absolutely amazing. I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to be a part of sharing the gospel with thousands of highschoolers these past few months. God has put people in my life that I know I will be friends with for a very long time. It’s crazy how one week youare driving back from California with your team, the next week you are hanging out with the other interns back in the office, and then next thing you know you are saying goodbye to these people that quickly have become some of your best friends.
The memories that were made are ones that I will have a very hard time forgetting! The jokes that were a part of my summer are ones that no one at school will be able to understand, but that’s okay because when I remember those crazy times I will be reminded of the amazing people God has placed in my life.
As I continue to transition from an experience like this back to school there have been a lot of things on my heart. God and I have spent a lot of time talking about these things. And I am still learning how to discern God’s voice through it all and to trust in Him to lead me, but my God is faithful and I can’t wait for what He is going to do in the next few months!
Let me start by saying there is definitely a unique bond between 5 people who travel together for 6 weeks. You eat every meal together, you spend free time together, and then to finish it off you drive cross country together! It's amazing how people you work with for 12 weeks can know almost all there is to know about the last 20 years of your life! Long car trips and hundreds of meals together definitely provides opportunity for a LOT of conversation. I've loved getting to know each person on my team and learn how each of their personalities are so different. We have had many serious conversations, several inside jokes, and many embarrassing moments together. Through many frustrating moments, joys, tears, and stressful situations this summer has been incredible! I wouldn't trade my summer for anyone else's. The things that I have learned and the experiences I have had are things that
have helped me grow in different areas of my life. One thing CIY is so good about is creating an atmosphere where not only is there professional growth but where there is also spiritual growth, personal development, and growth as a leader. The things I have learned over the past two summers are things that I could never learn at school, they are things that I will take with me into whatever job I have. The speakers, youth ministers and staff that I get to meet over the course of the summer are men and women who have such a heart for the Lord. I get to know some better than others. I love hearing their stories learning from them. I have no idea right now which of these people I'll have the opportunity to work with again, but that's the beauty of meeting new people! I have no idea where I'll be working a year from now, but God knows and if it's with any of these wonderful people I've met over the last two years then I'd be ok with that! Along with all of the wonderful memories of this summer there are definitely a few moments that added a small challenge to each week. God taught me so much about working with people. I learned a ton about myself through these moments and there were times this summer where God showed me that the only thing I could do was pray. I definitely have a lot to learn about wrestling in prayer.
Then there were things I learned that seem absolutely crazy. I just remember the one Saturday morning when I get a phone call saying that i'd be driving a box truck from LA to San Diego. Sometimes things don't go as planned, this was definitely one of those times! Good story though and now I am fully capable of driving
This summer was absolutely amazing. I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to be a part of sharing the gospel with thousands of highschoolers these past few months. God has put people in my life that I know I will be friends with for a very long time. It’s crazy how one week youare driving back from California with your team, the next week you are hanging out with the other interns back in the office, and then next thing you know you are saying goodbye to these people that quickly have become some of your best friends.
As I continue to transition from an experience like this back to school there have been a lot of things on my heart. God and I have spent a lot of time talking about these things. And I am still learning how to discern God’s voice through it all and to trust in Him to lead me, but my God is faithful and I can’t wait for what He is going to do in the next few months!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
The Journey back to Joplin
I'm not even sure where to begin- so much has happened this week.
The journey back to Joplin was tougher then I had expected. I had been so excited to be back in the place where I had learned so much and had grown so much the past summer. It wasn't until my family had driven me halfway and said goodbye and I got in the car to head the opposite direction looking into a dark and ominous sky, that I began having doubts again about what it was I was doing and fearing the danger that I might be putting myself into. Of course that didn't last long, The Lord gave me an overwhelming sense of peace shortly after. And I realized that there was no reason to be afraid, but so many reasons to be incredibly grateful for the opportunity I have to be back.
Being back I've been getting to know 16 new interns and have begun to develop relationships with those I'm working with this summer as well as been able to reconnect with some of my friends from last summer. This summer it only took me part of a day to learn names and I look back to this week last summer and how hesitant I was to really invest in people and how uncomfortable I felt at the beginning. I am thankful for a second chance to have a "first week".
This year the first week has been so different from last! We actually had orientation on day one and were able to jump right into training and preparation for this summer. I love fresh starts and the beginning of things. This summer I came in eager for the beginning knowing it would be very different than last.
This week did bring the anniversary of the May 22 Joplin tornado and while I didn't participate in any of the activities they had going on it was definitely on my heart this week. Memories flooded back from last year and I was reminded of the impact that event had. I had mixed emotions, because while my heart was still broken for those who lost so much a year ago, it's also so encouraging to see how much has been rebuilt since that day.
Being back at CIY, doing what I love is a huge blessing. I love being back and working alongside the ministry to prepare for another summer! I am so excited to get to share Jesus with countless high school students this summer and to be able exemplify what it means to follow Jesus.
With the many joys this week it also brought about a few challenges. I feel like everytime I go to Joplin something tragic happens, but I trust that this is where the Lord wants me to be and that through these occurrences He is walking right alongside me. This week we experienced something that I hope we never have to experience again. The dorm dad who lived in the dorm we had just moved into passed away. We never got to meet him, but from hearing about his life I am confident that he was a follower of Jesus and that he had a huge servants heart. Death is all part of God's plan and eventually we all are going to face death, but with death comes something so much greater and that is eternal life with Jesus Christ. While we may not always understand the reasons why something happens, when we allow ourselves to be united with Christ we are able to understand that He has a plan and that it may not always be what we want, but it is never something He will take us through on our own. I know there is no reason to be upset or to be afraid of death. It has still been a challenge for us and I haven't been able to sleep very well. It was a little chaotic for a while but with God's help we are all getting through it. It also brings a reminder that what we are doing this summer is so important, because we never know how many days we have left.
This weekend I have to go back home for a wedding and after just getting here less than a week ago, we decided to get a flight home so that I wouldn't have to miss work. I gave myself what I thought was plenty of time this morning, but when you get going down the road that leads to the airport only to realize the road is closed then it presents a problem. In order to get back to the airport I ended up having to drive almost an hour extra. I guess I was too reliant on my GPS because apparently there is a better way to get to the airport. Thankfully my dad helped me find my way back to "civilization" or should i say the airport in the middle of NOWHERE. Keep in mind this all happened before 7 AM this morning and I had been driving since 5. Well, I eventually found the airport and literally sprinted with a backpack on and a bag over my shoulder to try and make it to the gate on time. When I got to my gate I could see my plane, it was still here but they wouldn't let me on. I just broke down, because after all that stress I felt like I had failed. I am barely going to get to spend any time with my family this weekend, and now I just lost more time with them. While on the phone crying to my dad and unsuccessfully trying to settle myself down this sweet woman started looking to get me on another flight. She found a flight to get me on 3 hours later, the only catch is that my layover in chicago is only 20 minutes, so hopefully I will make the connection. But at least if I'm in Chicago, I'll only be 3 hours from home instead of in an airport 8 hours away. Anyways that was probably more information then you wanted.
BUT 2 hours ago I was a wreck; I was so stressed and frustrated because I had no idea why this had to happen. Then I ran into this younger woman who was working in the little shop and this man who worked at the airport and after talking to them- they were so pleasant and so caring. I told them what my morning had looked like and they were so amazed that after all that I still had a smile on my face, but the reason I had a smile on my face was only by the power of Jesus and it was because He had put those people in my path. Sometimes the littlest things can bring so much joy. Then I got to just sit for 2 1/2 hours, by myself- there literally was no one in this wing of the airport and I realized that I haven't had a chance like this to just be alone and relax for weeks. I think the Lord was trying to teach me something through all this. When I don't take a small amount of time to be alone and to rest then I can't be all that He wants me to be. This is so important and something that I personally have to be SO intentional about, but its times like this when I realize why it needs to happen.
The journey back to Joplin was tougher then I had expected. I had been so excited to be back in the place where I had learned so much and had grown so much the past summer. It wasn't until my family had driven me halfway and said goodbye and I got in the car to head the opposite direction looking into a dark and ominous sky, that I began having doubts again about what it was I was doing and fearing the danger that I might be putting myself into. Of course that didn't last long, The Lord gave me an overwhelming sense of peace shortly after. And I realized that there was no reason to be afraid, but so many reasons to be incredibly grateful for the opportunity I have to be back.
Being back I've been getting to know 16 new interns and have begun to develop relationships with those I'm working with this summer as well as been able to reconnect with some of my friends from last summer. This summer it only took me part of a day to learn names and I look back to this week last summer and how hesitant I was to really invest in people and how uncomfortable I felt at the beginning. I am thankful for a second chance to have a "first week".
This year the first week has been so different from last! We actually had orientation on day one and were able to jump right into training and preparation for this summer. I love fresh starts and the beginning of things. This summer I came in eager for the beginning knowing it would be very different than last.
This week did bring the anniversary of the May 22 Joplin tornado and while I didn't participate in any of the activities they had going on it was definitely on my heart this week. Memories flooded back from last year and I was reminded of the impact that event had. I had mixed emotions, because while my heart was still broken for those who lost so much a year ago, it's also so encouraging to see how much has been rebuilt since that day.
Being back at CIY, doing what I love is a huge blessing. I love being back and working alongside the ministry to prepare for another summer! I am so excited to get to share Jesus with countless high school students this summer and to be able exemplify what it means to follow Jesus.
With the many joys this week it also brought about a few challenges. I feel like everytime I go to Joplin something tragic happens, but I trust that this is where the Lord wants me to be and that through these occurrences He is walking right alongside me. This week we experienced something that I hope we never have to experience again. The dorm dad who lived in the dorm we had just moved into passed away. We never got to meet him, but from hearing about his life I am confident that he was a follower of Jesus and that he had a huge servants heart. Death is all part of God's plan and eventually we all are going to face death, but with death comes something so much greater and that is eternal life with Jesus Christ. While we may not always understand the reasons why something happens, when we allow ourselves to be united with Christ we are able to understand that He has a plan and that it may not always be what we want, but it is never something He will take us through on our own. I know there is no reason to be upset or to be afraid of death. It has still been a challenge for us and I haven't been able to sleep very well. It was a little chaotic for a while but with God's help we are all getting through it. It also brings a reminder that what we are doing this summer is so important, because we never know how many days we have left.
This weekend I have to go back home for a wedding and after just getting here less than a week ago, we decided to get a flight home so that I wouldn't have to miss work. I gave myself what I thought was plenty of time this morning, but when you get going down the road that leads to the airport only to realize the road is closed then it presents a problem. In order to get back to the airport I ended up having to drive almost an hour extra. I guess I was too reliant on my GPS because apparently there is a better way to get to the airport. Thankfully my dad helped me find my way back to "civilization" or should i say the airport in the middle of NOWHERE. Keep in mind this all happened before 7 AM this morning and I had been driving since 5. Well, I eventually found the airport and literally sprinted with a backpack on and a bag over my shoulder to try and make it to the gate on time. When I got to my gate I could see my plane, it was still here but they wouldn't let me on. I just broke down, because after all that stress I felt like I had failed. I am barely going to get to spend any time with my family this weekend, and now I just lost more time with them. While on the phone crying to my dad and unsuccessfully trying to settle myself down this sweet woman started looking to get me on another flight. She found a flight to get me on 3 hours later, the only catch is that my layover in chicago is only 20 minutes, so hopefully I will make the connection. But at least if I'm in Chicago, I'll only be 3 hours from home instead of in an airport 8 hours away. Anyways that was probably more information then you wanted.
BUT 2 hours ago I was a wreck; I was so stressed and frustrated because I had no idea why this had to happen. Then I ran into this younger woman who was working in the little shop and this man who worked at the airport and after talking to them- they were so pleasant and so caring. I told them what my morning had looked like and they were so amazed that after all that I still had a smile on my face, but the reason I had a smile on my face was only by the power of Jesus and it was because He had put those people in my path. Sometimes the littlest things can bring so much joy. Then I got to just sit for 2 1/2 hours, by myself- there literally was no one in this wing of the airport and I realized that I haven't had a chance like this to just be alone and relax for weeks. I think the Lord was trying to teach me something through all this. When I don't take a small amount of time to be alone and to rest then I can't be all that He wants me to be. This is so important and something that I personally have to be SO intentional about, but its times like this when I realize why it needs to happen.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
So many places.
My heart is torn as I leave another place I call home. I wish that everything that meant so much to me could all be in one place, but then life wouldn’t be the adventure that it is. Leaving my very dear friends out in Reno is never easy. It’s such a blessing to be able to go out and visit, but the time we have together is never enough. The joy that is present when I am with them is something I can’t explain, they have a way of making me feel so loved. I care about them so much and I feel like they are my family. Then I have just a few days to spend at home with my family, I think I will spend a total of 10-12 days at home this summer. Part of my heart is still in Haiti and longs to be back there. And then there are all of my friends at school who I also miss a ton. Yet, I choose to spend my summer away because I love being a part of CIY. I’m not sure I have ever felt like my heart was being pulled in this many directions.
Then I think to a year from now and how in a year I will be expected to have a full time job and to be beginning my career. And then I think about all of the things that matter so much to me and wonder how there will be time for all of them. I have no idea what opportunities will be in front of me a year from now, but I do know that worrying about that will do me no good. There is still a lot that the Lord wants to do during my senior year and I don’t want to miss out on that.
Lately I have had so many questions about what it looks like to have God lay a vision upon your heart and how that is carried out when there are so many hoops to jump through. For 8 months now I have been praying about leading an event on my campus where we raise funds and package meals to feed starving children in Haiti. Thankfully I have a few very dedicated friends who also share this vision and have supported me and helped in any way they could, but it doesn’t matter how many students are pouring into this project when the school shuts the idea down. I am unsure where to go from here; I don’t want to lose faith, I believe that God can do anything even when it seems impossible to us. I still feel like this event is supposed to happen, but I don’t know what my role is in this anymore. It’s so hard not to be discouraged, I don’t want to give up but when I keep getting shut down it makes it hard to move forward. I am frustrated with how difficult it is to get something approved like this on our campus. All semester we have been learning what service looks like. We have been challenged to have a global mindset. What better way for our campus to put this into practice then by together being a part of packaging meals for children in other countries? I feel that college is a perfect time to be a part of something like this and I have such a strong desire to get our whole campus involved; yet I feel so defeated.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Grateful for today.
It seems so unreal that in less than 2 weeks junior year will be over. Every year so far has been completely different and so having this year wrap up brings much joy as well as much uncertainty. This year has had its ups and downs, but I wouldn't have changed a thing- I've learned so much through it all. I think junior year will be one of the years I won't forget; especially all of the challenges I've overcome and the opportunities I have had to lead in so many ways and to go to Haiti are parts of college I will always remember. The friends that have been such a huge part of my life this year are friends that I will have past college. Tonight I was thinking back to some of the people I knew in high school and I began to realize how much has changed in all of our lives. I realized that a lot of those people are people I will probably never have much contact with again. While I tend to get caught up in reminiscing, I guess when I was thinking about this I began to realize that the place I'm at in my life now is completely different. I began to realize that rather then looking back or looking forward that the time I have now is so valuable. In high school I lived every day in anticipation of the day I could go to college and meet new people. Therefore, the friendships that I had didn't go very far past my high school days. That's why enjoying the time I have now with my friends here and really taking the time to get to know them is so important so that the friendships I have at this time in my life are ones that will continue once we leave this place. The time we spend now getting to know people means richer and deeper friendships with those people once the Lord calls us to new places. The uncertainty I was talking about comes when I look to next year I have no idea what the year will be like. I have no clue how I am going to fit everything in that has to be done. I have no idea how much things will change with the people I am close to now. It's all part of our unknown, but God's perfect plan.
Another thing that seems so unreal is that in less than a month I will be on my way back to Joplin, MO. Joplin is a place I think about often, it holds a special place in my heart. There are so many mixed emotions about going back. I am excited to see where they have come over the past 9 months since I left there last August. Going back also brings back all of the memories of that night last May when the tornado came and my life was impacted forever. I guess I do have fears about going back, but ever since I was a kid I've had a hard time going back or being in places where I have a bad memory. So even though I am a little fearful I am really excited for another summer to work for and travel with CIY. I think back to all I had to learn last summer and I start to think how different this summer will be, but I feel blessed to be able to return for my second summer and to be able to lead a team. There is always a special bond that forms when you travel with people and are in ministry together. Last summer was an incredible time of growth and I know this summer will be completely different, but I'm really looking forward to how the Lord wants to speak into my life this summer.
I have no idea where He will take me past senior year here at Olivet, but I want to be open and willing to go wherever that may be. While, I think I have some sort of idea of where I'd like to be I really have no clue where it is that God will lead me. It could be CIY, maybe some sort of missions work, Feed My Starving Children, maybe even something here at Olivet, or it could be something that I haven't even ever considered doing. The one thing I do know is that He is preparing me even now for whatever that might be. I have a hard time looking into the future and seeing a whole bunch of question marks, but to God they aren't question marks, but rather exclamation points! So much can change in just a year, but change can be good.
Rather then continually looking ahead to the next thing, I really want to enjoy the moments now: the nights of little to no sleep, the days where I run from one thing to the next all day and then finally sit down at 11 to start my homework, and the time now with the people here.
Another thing that seems so unreal is that in less than a month I will be on my way back to Joplin, MO. Joplin is a place I think about often, it holds a special place in my heart. There are so many mixed emotions about going back. I am excited to see where they have come over the past 9 months since I left there last August. Going back also brings back all of the memories of that night last May when the tornado came and my life was impacted forever. I guess I do have fears about going back, but ever since I was a kid I've had a hard time going back or being in places where I have a bad memory. So even though I am a little fearful I am really excited for another summer to work for and travel with CIY. I think back to all I had to learn last summer and I start to think how different this summer will be, but I feel blessed to be able to return for my second summer and to be able to lead a team. There is always a special bond that forms when you travel with people and are in ministry together. Last summer was an incredible time of growth and I know this summer will be completely different, but I'm really looking forward to how the Lord wants to speak into my life this summer.
I have no idea where He will take me past senior year here at Olivet, but I want to be open and willing to go wherever that may be. While, I think I have some sort of idea of where I'd like to be I really have no clue where it is that God will lead me. It could be CIY, maybe some sort of missions work, Feed My Starving Children, maybe even something here at Olivet, or it could be something that I haven't even ever considered doing. The one thing I do know is that He is preparing me even now for whatever that might be. I have a hard time looking into the future and seeing a whole bunch of question marks, but to God they aren't question marks, but rather exclamation points! So much can change in just a year, but change can be good.
Rather then continually looking ahead to the next thing, I really want to enjoy the moments now: the nights of little to no sleep, the days where I run from one thing to the next all day and then finally sit down at 11 to start my homework, and the time now with the people here.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Finding rest when it seems impossible.
This semester has definitely been a challenge, but it has also been a time if growth in so many ways. Before spring break, things were so busy. I was behind in my school work, I wasn't sleeping, and I had no free time. During this time the Lord was trying to teach me to find rest in Him and that rather then packing my schedule and thinking that would bring me joy, He was saying to me that what I really needed was more time to just be in His presence. This seemed impossible in the midst of trying to be a student, a leader, and a friend. I felt like I had no time for myself, much less time to just spend being quiet before the Lord. When I did spend time with the Lord I was always talking and asking Him for things. Just sitting there and listening to Him was not something that came easily. I was distracted by so many other things going on in my life or in the lives of people around me that when I did sit and try to be still with the Lord I would be thinking of a thousand other things.
During my week in Haiti, this was one of the things that became real to me. There were so many opportunities there to just bask in the presence of our incredible God and it was through those moments that I began to understand what it really meant to rest in Him. There were so many times when I had no words to say to Him because of all that was going on around me. I was trying to process all that I was seeing and the only thing I knew to do was listen to the Lord and allow Him to work through those situations to teach me. Coming back from this week and really understanding what it looks like to listen to the Lord was so encouraging and yet at the same time discouraging because I had no idea what this would look like being back at school. I wanted so badly to have that time here to be quiet before the Lord and while it has been something that has slowly been worked into my schedule, it still is much more difficult. It seems so much harder to focus on listening to His voice when there are so many distractions around you.
The Lord has blessed me with incredible friendships. The people He has placed in my life are such an encouragement to me and I have learned something different from each one of them. He has given me opportunities to share my story with others and to hear their stories. While in Haiti I was able to learn so much from my teammates and the missionary family there.
Other updates: This semester I have had many opportunities to travel for work. It's been fun getting to know the youth in Wisconsin and getting to share with them my heart for the Lord and my passion for Olivet. We also toured for choir this semester. We went to two different churches in Indiana. That was a great bonding experience for the ministry of the choir.
Another big thing that has happened this semester has been the application process for being an RA. I found out the night I got back from Haiti that I will be an RA in the apartments next year and I am thrilled to see how the Lord is going to use me in that role!
We have already made one trip up to Feed My Starving Children this semester and we are going up again this week. The plans are still being made to bring an event here, so I've been doing a lot of preparation for that.
It seems like there is always something going on and if not then I'm always searching for a way to serve somewhere! I love it though and I am so thankful for friends who serve alongside me.
As busy as life is, I am so thankful for the opportunities that the Lord has put before me and for all that He is teaching me!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Passion 2012
I had the opportunity to go to Passion and I am still in awe of what the Lord is doing through our generation! This year Passion partnered with numerous organizations to help prevent and rescue the 27 million who are in slavery. Before this week I wasn't aware that this many people were in bondage and I never knew there was something I could do about it. In 2 days over 3 million dollars was raised for these organizations. It was triple of what their goal was! I can't even fathom that much money but to witness college students giving was so encouraging. It really challenged me because I was thinking about just not continuing to push for the Mobile Pack at Olivet, but if this much can be raised in a couple days then we can definitely raise the funds for a mobile pack! The Lord can do more then we can ever ask or imagine.
I got to hear some incredible speakers this week and was definitely challenged to not just be in the word but to delight in it. What really spoke to me was the music. Learning new songs really allowed me to think about the meaning of the words. I think that often gets lost when we worship with familiar songs.
Having 45,000 people worshipping in the same place was incredible! It definitely required a lot of patience and cooperation. But to have that many people in one place really was incredible. And the Holy Spirit was definitely there!
The biggest question when you go to a conference like this is always what are you going to take home with you. And its different for everyone but for me specifically I wasn't sitting there the whole week thinking about how my life needed to be changed. For me it's not about changing something major in my life but about finding that quiet time with the Lord. I get to hear speakers and often but it's harder to find that time when it's just me and Jesus. I want to spend more time in the word and trying to understand it. I want to seek the Lord and live my life to bring glory to Him. I pray He will give me the words to fearlessly share the gospel with others.
I realize more and more how blessed I am to attend a Christian university. Sometimes I think I take it for granted, but I'm definitely so thankful that is where the Lord placed me. There are definitely people even there who need to experience Jesus. God needs all of us from various schools, countries, and just different experiences to spread His word.
One thing I can't ever seem to get over is how much time people waste. If there are so many people in slavery , people starving, and people suffering then why do we spend so much time doing meaningless things? I just think about all we could be doing and sometimes I get frustrated because we aren't doing anything.
It's been nice to have some time off school and to be able to spend some time with friends, their families, and my family. But I'm ready to be back at school! I'm ready to begin a new semester and all it holds. I'm ready to be back with my friends and to be busy again. All that being said the break was needed and a nice chance to do things I often don't have time for!
I got to hear some incredible speakers this week and was definitely challenged to not just be in the word but to delight in it. What really spoke to me was the music. Learning new songs really allowed me to think about the meaning of the words. I think that often gets lost when we worship with familiar songs.
Having 45,000 people worshipping in the same place was incredible! It definitely required a lot of patience and cooperation. But to have that many people in one place really was incredible. And the Holy Spirit was definitely there!
The biggest question when you go to a conference like this is always what are you going to take home with you. And its different for everyone but for me specifically I wasn't sitting there the whole week thinking about how my life needed to be changed. For me it's not about changing something major in my life but about finding that quiet time with the Lord. I get to hear speakers and often but it's harder to find that time when it's just me and Jesus. I want to spend more time in the word and trying to understand it. I want to seek the Lord and live my life to bring glory to Him. I pray He will give me the words to fearlessly share the gospel with others.
I realize more and more how blessed I am to attend a Christian university. Sometimes I think I take it for granted, but I'm definitely so thankful that is where the Lord placed me. There are definitely people even there who need to experience Jesus. God needs all of us from various schools, countries, and just different experiences to spread His word.
One thing I can't ever seem to get over is how much time people waste. If there are so many people in slavery , people starving, and people suffering then why do we spend so much time doing meaningless things? I just think about all we could be doing and sometimes I get frustrated because we aren't doing anything.
It's been nice to have some time off school and to be able to spend some time with friends, their families, and my family. But I'm ready to be back at school! I'm ready to begin a new semester and all it holds. I'm ready to be back with my friends and to be busy again. All that being said the break was needed and a nice chance to do things I often don't have time for!
Beginnings of New Year
What better way to spend the first week of this new year then at Passion 2012 with 45,000 other college students?!
Going into a new year I can't help but think of all of the ways God has proven faithful to me in 2011. I am not one to make resolutions but that doesn't mean that the Lord hasn't been shaping me over the past year.
The year started with a trip to Michigan to visit my friend Anna. It continued on as the Lord taught me how to forgive as He forgave. In March I got to spend a week in the Bahamas with my mom. In April I got to visit my sister for Easter. Then summer came and I was blessed with such an incredible opportunity to work with CIY. I learned so much this summer and the Lord really used this summer to shape me and to speak into my life. I returned to school changed my major to business with a not for profit concentration and have really been asking the Lord to show me where He wants me. Before the school year started I went on a leadership retreat to kick off the year with other leaders from Olivet. Since then I have been blessed with so many opportunities to lead. Being back at school I've been able to grow closer to my friends as well as make some new ones. The Lord has shown me His faithfulness a lot of times though relationships and I am so thankful for the friends who pour into my life. October rekindled my heart for Feed My Starving Children and planning began for bringing an event to Olivet. That has been a pretty big project and the Lord is continuing to work in hearts as we try and make this happen. The year ended with another trip to Michigan to spend the weekend with Rachel's family which was a huge blessing. Then I spent time at home with my family.
As I look at 2012 I think about all the Lord has in store for me! I'm excited for another semester with my small group girls. In March ill be headed to Haiti with a group from school Im not sure what I'll be doing yet this summer but wherever I am I trust God is going to use me to be His hands and feet.and then I'll start my senior year of college which I cant even believe! I pray this year will bring many opportunities to share Christ with others. It's overwhelming to think about how much happens over the course of a year!
I'll post about Passion later!!
Going into a new year I can't help but think of all of the ways God has proven faithful to me in 2011. I am not one to make resolutions but that doesn't mean that the Lord hasn't been shaping me over the past year.
The year started with a trip to Michigan to visit my friend Anna. It continued on as the Lord taught me how to forgive as He forgave. In March I got to spend a week in the Bahamas with my mom. In April I got to visit my sister for Easter. Then summer came and I was blessed with such an incredible opportunity to work with CIY. I learned so much this summer and the Lord really used this summer to shape me and to speak into my life. I returned to school changed my major to business with a not for profit concentration and have really been asking the Lord to show me where He wants me. Before the school year started I went on a leadership retreat to kick off the year with other leaders from Olivet. Since then I have been blessed with so many opportunities to lead. Being back at school I've been able to grow closer to my friends as well as make some new ones. The Lord has shown me His faithfulness a lot of times though relationships and I am so thankful for the friends who pour into my life. October rekindled my heart for Feed My Starving Children and planning began for bringing an event to Olivet. That has been a pretty big project and the Lord is continuing to work in hearts as we try and make this happen. The year ended with another trip to Michigan to spend the weekend with Rachel's family which was a huge blessing. Then I spent time at home with my family.
As I look at 2012 I think about all the Lord has in store for me! I'm excited for another semester with my small group girls. In March ill be headed to Haiti with a group from school Im not sure what I'll be doing yet this summer but wherever I am I trust God is going to use me to be His hands and feet.and then I'll start my senior year of college which I cant even believe! I pray this year will bring many opportunities to share Christ with others. It's overwhelming to think about how much happens over the course of a year!
I'll post about Passion later!!
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