A lot can change in a year

I think back to a year ago- I was broken and unsure of my purpose and plan. I was allowing my life to be controlled by circumstances and was not trusting the Lord. Today I reflect on the incredible changes the Lord has made in my life. He has removed my doubts and fears. He has brought restoration to so many areas of my life. And He has provided WAY beyond what I could ever ask or imagine. 

Last year at this time Colorado wasn't even something I was considering. Through a series of events Colorado kept coming up and I felt a tug to look into what moving to Colorado might look like. With a lot of unknowns last July I made the move to Colorado and I had no idea what was in store. The first 10 weeks of living here were spent completely controlled by the school I was teaching at. Stepping out of that was challenging but incredibly freeing, once again I had no clue what the Lord had for me. I spent the next five weeks job searching, investing at church, and really exploring Colorado. After a season of rest the Lord once again provided in my life. Within two days I went on a first date with the man I'm about to marry and I started a new full time job at Colorado Christian University. 

The Lords timing doesn't always make since, but it's always perfect so I've learned to trust Him. I've waited my entire life to get married. Never did I imagine I would move somewhere, meet someone, and get married within 10 months. But it has been the best journey I've ever been on. Since our first date on November 5th, Michael has become my best friend and I've experienced what falling in love feels like. Through past experiences I had decided there was no way I could get married within a year, but God continually revealed to me that His plan was different then the outline I had created for my life. On January 17, 2017 I said yes to spend forever with the love of my life. We have been in the midst of planning for our future together. Only by the Lords orchestration, grace, and protection am I at the place I am today. None of this has happened out of my strength. But praise God that He is a God who heals brokenness and writes incredibly beautiful stories! 

To God be the glory! 

When Dreams Become a Reality.

Six months ago when I left my job at Olivet, I didn't envision myself working at a college again for a very long time. I hadn't ruled it out completely because I love college students, but  it definitely wasn't on my radar for anytime soon. I felt like in this arena of my life, my potential wasn't seen and my dreams were shattered. I couldn't figure out how to use my degree and my gifts to the fullest. After not working for some time, moving to a new state, teaching 5th grade for 9 weeks while taking grad classes, and again being unemployed the Lord has been speaking to my heart and directing me in ways I hadn't envisioned but in ways that are far greater than the plan I had.

Today, I sit here in awe of the Lords continual provision in my life. He is my firm foundation and my Father who cares so deeply about me. When in the midst of hurt and pain I didn't always see the Lord in this way, I couldn't fathom why a loving Father would put me through what I went through. I couldn't understand why one after another the plans and dreams I had would be shattered and I wouldn't be able to see what purpose the Lord had for my life. It didn't make sense, and many times in the midst of it all I didn't have the strength to believe that the Lord had something greater. I have recently been  learning and been challenged through my pastor and other Godly wisdom in my life that God works through human frailty to get His work done, that He is the one who gets us where we need to go regardless of what that takes. I am learning to be grateful for the shattered dreams and the painful seasons and for where the Lord has brought me despite that.

Job Update!!

I loved the work I did as a student worker in admissions at Olivet and for many years have desired to work as a full time admissions counselor. I love that age group, and really love navigating through those decisions with students. College is such a formative time and so to be able to help give students the opportunity to find a place they will flourish is very important to me. I have been given an incredible opportunity to be an enrollment counselor at Colorado Christian University in Lakewood, CO. I am very excited for what this position holds and for the ways I will get to impact lives through this role. I will be traveling to Southern California and Nevada to recruit students and then will work with those students and their families through them applying, being admitted, accepting, financial aid, everything it takes until they get to campus the following fall. I absolutely love CCU and can't wait to help walk with students through some of the biggest decisions they have made thus far in their lives. I am beyond blessed to have this new job that is not at all where I thought I would be, but it is a gift from God and I know I am exactly where He wants me. I wouldn't be where I am at today without the grace of God, his unending love, and the people He has put to walk with me through it all. I am thankful that although sometimes it takes longer than you had hoped, the Lord knows our desires, our potential, and our gifts and He is faithful to provide and make those dreams into a reality.

Pressing Pause

Again I am in awe of my Father. Two weekends ago I spent Friday evening and all day Saturday in class for my licensure program. Friday I had interviewed at another school hoping to get a job and stay in my program to get my teaching license. By Saturday I still hadn't heard back but I was feeling very certain that the school I had interviewed at was not where the Lord wanted me. All week I had been praying that the Lord would open the door if that was His will, but that He would keep it closed if it was another unhealthy environment. Saturday night I was really struggling. I was unsure of the Lord's plan. I spent all day learning about classroom management not even sure when or if I would have a classroom to apply it in. I was nervous about this interview I had Friday because it didn't feel right but if they offered it to me, I couldn't imagine saying no because that would mean giving up my program which seemed illogical. I wrestled, grieved, and worried- this was getting me nowhere. I'm thankful to live with women who remind me of this and who push me to not let myself stay there. This began the journey of praying for the Lord to open doors for me outside of education, realizing I needed to press pause on teaching for the time being. I began to realize that I have a degree, and I have gifts that I can use in areas other than teaching. I have applied for and interviewed at a couple of jobs in the field of business not-for-profit, and patiently waiting for the Lord to direct me. I am excited about the opportunities that lie ahead and will share more once I know where I will be working. Just continuing to be praying that the Lord will be glorified through this decision and the work that I will get to be a part of. The time that I haven't been working has been such a blessing, I am definitely looking forward to routine once again but I have enjoyed the freedom of this time away from it. I've loved getting to reconnect with people, get plugged in at church, meet new people, really feel like this place is my home, invest in new people, read, be outside, the list could go on. I am learning to rest, to slow down, and to wait. It has just been such a time of healing after the last job I was in and the season I had come out of. When people ask why I moved to Colorado my answer was that I moved here to have a fresh start and meet people my age, to grow spiritually, and to teach. The Lord has been redefining that, maybe it took the teaching program to get me out here but that doesn't mean that was his only plan. He has other plans in store for me for this season and He has gifted me in so many other ways that I am excited to watch unfold. I love the church I am a part of and the people I have been able to meet through that. It has been so neat to have  a front row seat in watching the Lord provide in that area of my life. It's crazy that so many of the friends I have met have also recently moved here and I love getting to know their stories. In such a short amount of time I have been able to know them on a deep level and am very thankful for that. Continuing to learn to find contentment in my circumstances and to allow the Lord to fill every need in my life. Daily I ask Him to remind me of my value and worth in Him and to use this time to grow me to be a good friend to others, and to be a Godly, supportive, and confident wife someday. There are many days when my timeline wants to take control over His timeline, but daily I have to lay that at His feet and relinquish that control and desire to Him. I am learning that His plan is far greater than mine, I can see that even when I look back in my life at plans I made and how He changed those plans into something far greater. He is using me right now and is preparing me for the day I get to be a wife, but  rather then pressing fast forward I am trying to enjoy today and the freedom and opportunities I have in this season of life. I am trying to pause and allow Him to work in me while I wait.

An Update from CO: Walk by Faith

There are times in our lives when we have to make decisions that don't make sense, or decisions are made for us that we don't understand. I feel lately as though I have been through many of these, and yet I feel an indescribable peace knowing that once again the Lord has gone before me and goes with me. In the midst of these times we learn and we grow, it may be painful but we endure because of His faithfulness and His unending love.

A huge struggle in my life is not allowing myself to believe the lies of the world. I am guilty of allowing myself to listen to what people think or say instead of listening to what my Heavenly Father says. This is something I am working to overcome. Especially in seasons of great loss and not understanding it can be hard to combat those lies with truth. Continuing to lean into the word and to what HE says, because that is all that matters.

From the time I was little I have been one who goes deep with those in my life. I go into relationships with a longterm mindset, because of this I invest deeply and care immensely. I do this with friends, relationships, and I even experienced this in my classroom. This trait is one that I wouldn't change no matter how hard it is when I experience loss, because it draws me closer to Him. And in all of those situtations I feel like I can look back knowing that I loved as Christ calls me to love- deeply and intentionally. This was no different with my 30 precious students. I loved them every single day, when they were angels and when they were being defiant. I walked into a building for 9 weeks set to be the hands and feet of Jesus in my classroom and in the building, to love deeply and to do my very best to educate my students. I was determined to push through no matter how hard, how tired I was, how beaten down, how discouraged, overworked, taken advantage of, and how unsupported I felt. I was determined to be there for my 30 kids no matter how I was treated from above. I prayed daily that the Lord would sustain me and carry me and He did. He helped me to endure many long and challenging days. It came to a point last week where I felt like the Lord was saying, "Jordan, you have given everything you have to give here. I know you love your students, but my daughter this is not a healthy place for you. You are not at your best. I know you don't give up on things, but I am asking you to lay down your pride and your desire to have security and step away now. Trust me to provide for you. I will take care of you." I sense He had been trying to tell me pieces of this along the way, but it finally became clear to me and I no longer could run from His direction for me. A week ago, I stepped away from job. Since then I have felt an unexplainable peace, I have sensed His nearness. Not a day goes by where I don't miss my kids, but I have to believe the Lord has them. He cares about them even more then I could on my best day. He has a plan for each of their lives, and while I only was able to be a part of it for a short season I have to believe that the Lord was at work in that and He used me in the time I was there. Those students names, faces, and stories are forever etched on my heart  and who knows what the Lord has planned for those kids.

In the days since, I have had the opportunity to spend time with my mom (such a blessing she is), explore new places, to be outside, to read, and to rest. If you need a good book to read check out "Present over Perfect", by Shauna Niequist. This book has challenged me to slow down, to live more simply, and to not be concerned with what others think.

As far as next steps go, its in the Lords hands. In order to stay in my licensure program I need to find a teaching job by Saturday. If not, then I will sub or find some type of work and continue looking for teaching jobs to reenter the program in January. It is uncertain, but I beleive the Lord has a plan. For now, taking it one day at a time, submitting applications, praying, and looking to Him to open the right doors.

He is faithful, which allows us to know He is ABLE

He delights in me. He adores me. These are truths that I am finding comfort and peace in today and everyday. It's the reason I can get up every morning. It's the reason I am alive today, because He has a plan for me. And He knew on my worst days that He wasn't finished with me. Today I am here and I'm thankful for his protective hand over me even when I didn't think I wanted Him to give me another tomorrow. He knew, and He never left. He surrounded me and He has shown me how deeply He cares for me. On the days of restlessness and pure angst I wasn't sure how He was working or how He would bring me from that place, but praise God that my Father knows my needs and He not only knows them but He provides for them. 

While now in a completely different season, He reveals this to me in different ways. The struggles are different, but my God hasn't changed. I need his strength in different ways and for different reasons. The cool thing is, he knows just that. He knows what those hard things are and why they're hard. He knows what will come out of this season and He knows the length and depth of this season. 

Please pray for clarity and direction in an environment that is destructive. Please pray that no matter what is going on around me or what is being said to me that I will be able to continue to impact and love my students well. That I will see the good, and tune out the voices that cause me to doubt and to feel inadequate. Pray for my interactions with those who tear me down, I want to demonstrate grace and kindness and am struggling to do so. 

I am encouraged by who He is and the depths of His love for me. He has not brought me here to leave me. Through suffering we learn to grasp just a glimpse of what Christ felt that day on the cross. The Lord works through those times and I can look back and see how faithful He was and look ahead in the midst of the here and now and know HE IS ABLE. 

To Be Known

One year ago today I never thought my year would look as it did or that I'd be where I'm at today. I'm reminded day after day that my Father did. He knew before each significant and insignificant event occurred. He knew that today I would be standing in front of a classroom full of fifth graders whom I absolutely love in a state that I never imagined I would live in. He pulled me from my fears and my stubbornness and has placed me here today. I remember that many times I said to Him- "No, I won't go alone." I look back now and regret that I wasn't willing, but I rejoice in the fact that despite my inadequacies and short comings that He is still on the throne. And He directs us to where He wants us, even if in the moment it seems impossible.

While I absolutely love teaching, not every moment has been easy. I continue to wrestle with behavior problems.  I have kids at very different levels and I want to be able to meet each of them where they're at. I'm still trying to find the balance between being prepared and at my best for my students and my job but also taking care of myself and getting involved in other things.

Moving is challenging, there are so many little things that have to happen. But more that that trying to find a church, meeting people, figuring out where and what to plug in to, finding your way around, and trying to do all of this on top of a brand new job. It isn't easy. My kids today asked me if I missed my home, I never thought I would- but I do. I miss the people who know me and who I know deeply. I wish I could have taken the time to reflect and explain to them that even though I miss my home, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be and I have a home here filled with beautiful women and a classroom full of beautiful children.

Every day I have to remind myself that I am the Lords and that He has brought me here to love those around me and to daily pick up my cross and follow Him. Some days I really struggle with not being known and what it takes to get to that place with people. It's so different from where I was and so I have days where all I want to do is to sit down and have 5 1/1's and have deep conversations with others. Yet, I know that this is a different season for me. I know that someday there will be more balance but for right now I'm right where the Lord wants me. I'm known by Him and that is enough and always will be enough.

My students are precious to me. I don't have it all figured out and I feel like I'm constantly reevaluating and changing things in order to try to best meet the needs of each one of them. It's challenging. My heart breaks to be able to lead my students and to have them follow me. Tomorrow we hit the restart button and I'm praying we will get there, that they will know their potential. Just as I desire to be known im sure they do too, it's hard to know what that looks like when your day is jam packed from start to finish but I desire to know them and for them to know that I care. I know it is possible and I have to keep pressing forward. It is easy to believe things that are not true. No matter what I have to continue to give all that I can and to believe in myself and my students and most importantly to trust the Lord to lead and to be in control.

Tomorrow I gain 31 precious children

Tomorrow begins a journey the Lord has been preparing me for, for 25 years. In less than 12 hours I will have my very own class of 31 fifth graders.  When I was little my mom would bring home all of the old textbooks and I would spend hours in our "school room" teaching my friends or teaching my stuffed animals when my friends weren't around, that now becomes a reality. Since graduation I knew that a career in business wasn't exactly what I was created to do, but I couldn't figure out what the culmination of all my passions and gifts led to. I tried substitute teaching, which didn't make me want to teach, you know how kids treat a sub. I wrestled, I struggled, I felt lost, confused and alone. I often felt like I didn't have purpose. I loved getting to do ministry with college women, yet I knew that someday I would have to have a full-time career and just couldn't figure out what that would be. Instead of focusing on where I was at in the moment I was often worried about the future and what kind of job would be right for me. I felt like I had wasted my education in a way because I knew I didn't specifically want to use that degree. Most of the time I felt like I didn't belong and yet I couldn't figure out where it was I did belong. Yet, through all of that God was creating me and shaping me. He had a plan, even in the darkest moments when I couldn't feel His presence. There are still things in my life I can't begin to understand, but what I do know is that my God is faithful and my God cares about me in a way no one else ever will. And I can look back on certain events and situations and can see how that fits into the puzzle. I know that God has used it all to try me nearer to Him, to make me more like Him, and to teach me.

All that to say, I couldn't be more thrilled to begin my teaching career in the morning. From the time my baby brother was born and I was 8, I've always loved kids. Through my years of babysitting, teaching Sunday school, and hanging out with any kids I knew I've always wanted to have my own children. In fact for many years it was hard to be career focused, because raising children was all I wanted to do. Yet, I have had to learn that our timeline and plans for our lives are often not the timeline and plans that our Father has for us. While having my own doesn't seem to be anytime soon, I couldn't feel more blessed then to be given the opportunity to have my own classroom of students that I get to invest in, teach, and impact. The amount of hours I will get to spend with them, and preparing for our time together is not a task I take lightly. They deserve my best and I desire to work hard to fill those shoes. 

I've spent many hours this past week getting ready not just for tomorrow but for this year. I didn't realize I was capable of learning that much in a week. While I still have a lot to learn, I'm walking into tomorrow trusting the Lord to equip me, to use me, and to fill me with confidence and boldness. 

I'm grateful tonight for the ways the Lord is working both behind the scenes and in ways I can see. I'm thankful for the chance to begin in a new place. It's been almost a month since I've moved out here and while some days it feels like yesterday and others it feels like forever. It's not necessarily been easy, but it has been good. I'm thankful for the new people in my life, the people who I have known for a short time but who have gone out of there way to make me feel welcome, for the people out here who I already know and the comfort that comes from that, and for the people who aren't here but who are only a phone call away, and for my family and the way they have supported me on this journey and have been patient with me as I figure out what it is that I am called to do. 

Tomorrow I begin my career that as a child I dreamed of. I'm thankful that the Lord redirects us and has His hand on our lives in everything.