To Be Known

One year ago today I never thought my year would look as it did or that I'd be where I'm at today. I'm reminded day after day that my Father did. He knew before each significant and insignificant event occurred. He knew that today I would be standing in front of a classroom full of fifth graders whom I absolutely love in a state that I never imagined I would live in. He pulled me from my fears and my stubbornness and has placed me here today. I remember that many times I said to Him- "No, I won't go alone." I look back now and regret that I wasn't willing, but I rejoice in the fact that despite my inadequacies and short comings that He is still on the throne. And He directs us to where He wants us, even if in the moment it seems impossible.

While I absolutely love teaching, not every moment has been easy. I continue to wrestle with behavior problems.  I have kids at very different levels and I want to be able to meet each of them where they're at. I'm still trying to find the balance between being prepared and at my best for my students and my job but also taking care of myself and getting involved in other things.

Moving is challenging, there are so many little things that have to happen. But more that that trying to find a church, meeting people, figuring out where and what to plug in to, finding your way around, and trying to do all of this on top of a brand new job. It isn't easy. My kids today asked me if I missed my home, I never thought I would- but I do. I miss the people who know me and who I know deeply. I wish I could have taken the time to reflect and explain to them that even though I miss my home, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be and I have a home here filled with beautiful women and a classroom full of beautiful children.

Every day I have to remind myself that I am the Lords and that He has brought me here to love those around me and to daily pick up my cross and follow Him. Some days I really struggle with not being known and what it takes to get to that place with people. It's so different from where I was and so I have days where all I want to do is to sit down and have 5 1/1's and have deep conversations with others. Yet, I know that this is a different season for me. I know that someday there will be more balance but for right now I'm right where the Lord wants me. I'm known by Him and that is enough and always will be enough.

My students are precious to me. I don't have it all figured out and I feel like I'm constantly reevaluating and changing things in order to try to best meet the needs of each one of them. It's challenging. My heart breaks to be able to lead my students and to have them follow me. Tomorrow we hit the restart button and I'm praying we will get there, that they will know their potential. Just as I desire to be known im sure they do too, it's hard to know what that looks like when your day is jam packed from start to finish but I desire to know them and for them to know that I care. I know it is possible and I have to keep pressing forward. It is easy to believe things that are not true. No matter what I have to continue to give all that I can and to believe in myself and my students and most importantly to trust the Lord to lead and to be in control.