The Journey back to Joplin

I'm not even sure where to begin- so much has happened this week.

The journey back to Joplin was tougher then I had expected. I had been so excited to be back in the place where I had learned so much and had grown so much the past summer. It wasn't until my family had driven me halfway and said goodbye and I got in the car to head the opposite direction looking into a dark and ominous sky, that I began having doubts again about what it was I was doing and fearing the danger that I might be putting myself into. Of course that didn't last long, The Lord gave me an overwhelming sense of peace shortly after. And I realized that there was no reason to be afraid, but so many reasons to be incredibly grateful for the opportunity I have to be back.

Being back I've been getting to know 16 new interns and have begun to develop relationships with those I'm working with this summer as well as been able to reconnect with some of my friends from last summer. This summer it only took me part of a day to learn names and I look back to this week last summer and how hesitant I was to really invest in people and how uncomfortable I felt at the beginning. I am thankful for a second chance to have a "first week".

This year the first week has been so different from last! We actually had orientation on day one and were able to jump right into training and preparation for this summer. I love fresh starts and the beginning of things. This summer I came in eager for the beginning knowing it would be very different than last.

This week did bring the anniversary of the May 22 Joplin tornado and while I didn't participate in any of the activities they had going on it was definitely on my heart this week. Memories flooded back from last year and I was reminded of the impact that event had. I had mixed emotions, because while my heart was still broken for those who lost so much a year ago, it's also so encouraging to see how much has been rebuilt since that day.

Being back at CIY, doing what I love is a huge blessing. I love being back and working alongside the ministry to prepare for another summer! I am so excited to get to share Jesus with countless high school students this summer and to be able exemplify what it means to follow Jesus.

With the many joys this week it also brought about a few challenges. I feel like everytime I go to Joplin something tragic happens, but I trust that this is where the Lord wants me to be and that through these occurrences He is walking right alongside me. This week we experienced something that I hope we never have to experience again. The dorm dad who lived in the dorm we had just moved into passed away. We never got to meet him, but from hearing about his life I am confident that he was a follower of Jesus and that he had a huge servants heart. Death is all part of God's plan and eventually we all are going to face death, but with death comes something so much greater and that is eternal life with Jesus Christ. While we may not always understand the reasons why something happens, when we allow ourselves to be united with Christ we are able to understand that He has a plan and that it may not always be what we want, but it is never something He will take us through on our own. I know there is no reason to be upset or to be afraid of death. It has still been a challenge for us and I haven't been able to sleep very well. It was a little chaotic for a while but with God's help we are all getting through it. It also brings a reminder that what we are doing this summer is so important, because we never know how many days we have left.

This weekend I have to go back home for a wedding and after just getting here less than a week ago, we decided to get a flight home so that I wouldn't have to miss work. I gave myself what I thought was plenty of time this morning, but when you get going down the road that leads to the airport only to realize the road is closed then it presents a problem. In order to get back to the airport I ended up having to drive almost an hour extra. I guess I was too reliant on my GPS because apparently there is a better way to get to the airport. Thankfully my dad helped me find my way back to "civilization" or should i say the airport in the middle of NOWHERE. Keep in mind this all happened before 7 AM this morning and I had been driving since 5. Well, I eventually found the airport and literally sprinted with a backpack on and a bag over my shoulder to try and make it to the gate on time. When I got to my gate I could see my plane, it was still here but they wouldn't let me on. I just broke down, because after all that stress I felt like I had failed. I am barely going to get to spend any time with my family this weekend, and now I just lost more time with them. While on the phone crying to my dad and unsuccessfully trying to settle myself down this sweet woman started looking to get me on another flight. She found a flight to get me on 3 hours later, the only catch is that my layover in chicago is only 20 minutes, so hopefully I will make the connection. But at least if I'm in Chicago, I'll only be 3 hours from home instead of in an airport 8 hours away. Anyways that was probably more information then you wanted.
BUT 2 hours ago I was a wreck; I was so stressed and frustrated because I had no idea why this had to happen. Then I ran into this younger woman who was working in the little shop and this man who worked at the airport and after talking to them- they were so pleasant and so caring. I told them what my morning had looked like and they were so amazed that after all that I still had a smile on my face, but the reason I had a smile on my face was only by the power of Jesus and it was because He had put those people in my path. Sometimes the littlest things can bring so much joy. Then I got to just sit for 2 1/2 hours, by myself- there literally was no one in this wing of the airport and I realized that I haven't had a chance like this to just be alone and relax for weeks. I think the Lord was trying to teach me something through all this. When I don't take a small amount of time to be alone and to rest then I can't be all that He wants me to be. This is so important and something that I personally have to be SO intentional about, but its times like this when I realize why it needs to happen.

So many places.

My heart is torn as I leave another place I call home. I wish that everything that meant so much to me could all be in one place, but then life wouldn’t be the adventure that it is. Leaving my very dear friends out in Reno is never easy. It’s such a blessing to be able to go out and visit, but the time we have together is never enough. The joy that is present when I am with them is something I can’t explain, they have a way of making me feel so loved. I care about them so much and I feel like they are my family. Then I have just a few days to spend at home with my family, I think I will spend a total of 10-12 days at home this summer. Part of my heart is still in Haiti and longs to be back there. And then there are all of my friends at school who I also miss a ton. Yet, I choose to spend my summer away because I love being a part of CIY. I’m not sure I have ever felt like my heart was being pulled in this many directions. Then I think to a year from now and how in a year I will be expected to have a full time job and to be beginning my career. And then I think about all of the things that matter so much to me and wonder how there will be time for all of them. I have no idea what opportunities will be in front of me a year from now, but I do know that worrying about that will do me no good. There is still a lot that the Lord wants to do during my senior year and I don’t want to miss out on that. Lately I have had so many questions about what it looks like to have God lay a vision upon your heart and how that is carried out when there are so many hoops to jump through. For 8 months now I have been praying about leading an event on my campus where we raise funds and package meals to feed starving children in Haiti. Thankfully I have a few very dedicated friends who also share this vision and have supported me and helped in any way they could, but it doesn’t matter how many students are pouring into this project when the school shuts the idea down. I am unsure where to go from here; I don’t want to lose faith, I believe that God can do anything even when it seems impossible to us. I still feel like this event is supposed to happen, but I don’t know what my role is in this anymore. It’s so hard not to be discouraged, I don’t want to give up but when I keep getting shut down it makes it hard to move forward. I am frustrated with how difficult it is to get something approved like this on our campus. All semester we have been learning what service looks like. We have been challenged to have a global mindset. What better way for our campus to put this into practice then by together being a part of packaging meals for children in other countries? I feel that college is a perfect time to be a part of something like this and I have such a strong desire to get our whole campus involved; yet I feel so defeated.